Posts tagged ‘name’

June 23, 2011

I rename myself

I have never really liked my birth name. Going into my contemplative mode the last couple of days, I have been toying with changing my name. I finally thought of one I like: Eva. It is simple with only 3 letters. My old name has 5, but it is hard to spell. It is old-fashioned and archaic. Worse, it is my mother’s middle name, and though I love my mother, I need to pursue my own identity completely separate from hers. As I sat in contemplation today, the thought came to me: why do I have to spend the rest of my whole life with a name I do not like? I feel that it sets the tone for my identity, that I can never rise above the feeling that I get from that name, and honestly, I am sick of it. It feels like settling for less that who I am to keep my old name. Every time I say it, I have this feeling, “Here’s my name. I wish it weren’t, I really don’t want you to think of me this way, but I am lame and weird, so just think of me as that anyway.”

(I am not going to say what my old name is–I am sorry if you are dying of curiosity, but I do not want my readers to think of me by my old name.)

I have already tried to change my name once. I moved to a new city to go to college, and I introduced myself to everyone by my middle name, Michelle. The name stuck, and though it was hard to get used to, to all my acquaintances there, I was Michelle. I did eventually get used to it. The problem was, I actually did not like that name a whole lot better than my first name. And when I left that town at the end of the year, I decided to go back to my original name.

So I know I can do it. Right now I cannot imagine myself as Eva, but I do like the meaning: “giver of life.” This is so much more “me” than “gracious warrior,” the meaning of my old name. I no longer want to be a warrior, but as you can see from the name of this blog, the idea of life and being alive is very important to me. At one time I heard the name LIVE! as coming from the core of my identity, so “giver of life” falls right into that.

And Eva is not so out-of-style as my old name. Although it is uncommon enough that I don’t know anyone by that name (thus it is fresh to me with no baggage associated), it is ranked as #99 in popular baby names. My old name is not even in the list at http://www.babynames.com.

So I am going to try out Eva as my new name and see if it fits. As I am about to make a major change in life and move away from Georgia where I have lived for the past 4 years, it is perfect timing. I will simply introduce myself to people I meet as Eva. The only problem I can see is that I am moving to a Spanish-speaking country (Uruguay), and in Spanish the long sound of our “E” is their “I”. I don’t want to be spelled “Iva”! So I guess I will still have to explain my name’s spelling or just pronounce it with a short “e” like the “e” in “egg.” I actually think that pronunciation is sort of pretty, and it reminds me of “ave,” the Spanish word for “bird.”

Have you ever tried to change your name? Do you think your name sets the tone for how you see yourself as well as how the world sees you? Let me know in the comments.

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