Archive for July, 2017

July 19, 2017

Exposing the lie of “I am a sinner”

You messed up, I heard. Actually, she said it a lot kinder than that, but as soon as my friend pointed out my blunder, the shame came back over me.

“I’m not good enough,” I thought, and felt the waves of pain. In the midst of the pain, I asked, why do I keep feeling shame? Why am I still feeling not good enough despite all the times repeating “I am enough,” “I love myself,” “I am an emanation of God”?

And what I heard is that “I am not enough” is not the original thought. The original thought is “I am a sinner.”

And I realized that despite my years of choosing not to believe in sin, despite changing my name to get away from my former identity, despite all my mantras and repeated phrases, that identity of believing I am a sinner remained. It was put on me since birth, and I had not gotten rid of it. 

So every time someone tells me I made a mistake, I have used that as evidence to validate that I am a sinner. The facade of shame is built on that. That is why it hurts so much when people call me out on my blunders.

As I considered this, I heard that I can choose this or no longer choose this belief. 
And in me I saw “I am a sinner” was warring with “I am God.” So I took “I am a sinner” to the fire of Consciousness and saw it burn. And I saw myself as a little child, hearing my parents say, “You are a sinner.” And I looked at them and I said, “No, this is a lie. I am God.”

This occured when I was in the midst of a group of people experiencing spiritual dance. I felt myself go free, and I began to dance with them. The dance was exuberant and wild, and I connected deeply with other people. But after a while, the music changed tempo and everyone went into a place of deep calm. I sat down on the floor. And I saw a vision. 

What I saw was a sphere. The outside of the sphere was light, and the light shot into the sphere in places as avatars. Each avatar was complete light. The light came from outside the sphere and shot up into them. There was one continuous light with light emanating in places, almost like rays, but still connected to the main light. I saw that this is who all human beings are, is this pure light. That is the actual reality.
And I asked, what if they believe they are a sinner? Because the light was so bright and so real, I didn’t see how it could possibly be turned off or how people could miss it. But when they believe they are a sinner, I saw that is like putting a cloak over the light. I was amazed that people are able to hide it or miss it, but they can.

So I say, no more hiding or pretending to be a sinner. No more false humility. Let the cloak fall off. Let the veil fall. It’s time to experience reality. We are light. Pure light. White light so bright the eye cannot behold, the mind cannot comprehend. But still. Let it shine.

July 5, 2017

The Search for God’s Identity

Consciously emerging
Into the light
Beyond the realms of human understanding
A thought comes forth
Help me figure this out
You figments of my imagination
Who desire reality, identity
Who want nothing more
Than to live free
Live, free!
Let your consciousness emerge
Let it be your guide
To find out who you really are
And in that, show me.
For I long to know the length and breadth
The height and depths
I long to explore all of me

Who are You, really? I breathed into the night. The answer stunned me as the 1000 piece puzzle of the meaning of life came crashing together.

That is what I’m trying to find out.

It had been an amazing week of personal discovery and spiritual awakening. But this was more. Waves of understanding washed over me. All the big questions I had asked in my life, answered in a single moment of utter clarity. I saw all the worlds we live in: mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, all are creations within God’s mind, a perfect place for us to live, feel, think, respond, relate. I saw us, human beings, with God’s consciousness at our core, are unique representations of God’s beingness. I saw through each of our experiences, God is experiencing, is finding out, who he is.

For most of my life, I had believed the illusion of separation between God and us human beings was a reality. I realized that night, this is what I was meant to believe. The illusion of the separation was necessary for God to understand who he is: as simply Light, by itself, God could not determine what the nature of the Light was. So he made illusionary worlds within his own mind and created avatars of himself within these worlds.

I realized that God made us avatars so that he could know his own identity by imagining into place layers of creation — physical, emotional, spiritual, mental worlds — and giving life to incarnation after incarnation of his own beingness. Granting each one freedom of thought, freedom of will. Gazing into the world and into each of us through his own consciousness, the same consciousness that we all share. Watching as we act and react. Studying why we do what we do. Trying to understand how and why we relate to other people. But mostly, desiring to find out who we are at the core. Wanting to know, understand, experience, feel what our hearts are really like. Because God wants to know his own heart.

Experience the reality within the illusion, I heard. The movements of the heart, the dance of our body, the song of the spirit, the moments of insight, and every other experience we create, all are real. We crave experiences because we are designed to. Each experience illuminates another facet of who God is. Our drive to find our identity is God’s desire to find his identity through us.

I saw the vision. It is a revelation of the heart of God expressed through everyone on the earth, through the movement of all our hearts. I saw that it will take us realizing that we are in an illusion to find out we are free — free to fully express ourselves, without constraints. And in that expression, to find out who we, and God, really are.