How to believe in people even when you know they’ve screwed up

Darin Hufford of Free Believers Network often podcasts about the importance of believing in people and being believed in. He explains his view that when you believe in someone, that empowers them to live out a higher version of their self. Conversely, when you don’t believe in them that lack of belief can really bring them down. He says that in order to progress on your spiritual journey, it’s probably necessary to avoid people who don’t believe in you.

I’m not sure exactly what Darin’s definition of believing in others/being believed in is, but my best guess is that when you believe in someone, you see the real person that they are. You see them as perfect, no matter what they do. You see them by the spirit. Conversely, when you don’t believe in someone, you don’t believe in who they are. You don’t think them capable of living out of their true self, of living out their potential. Instead, you deem them doomed to forever repeat the mistakes you’ve observed them to make in the past.

My husband and I have often discussed this. We sometimes find ourselves to feel nearly incapacitated by others’ disbelief in us and even by our frequent disbelief in each other. Having been married for 4 ½ years, we’ve passed the honeymoon stage of our marriage where we were nearly blind to each other’s faults, and we can now see clearly how the other messes up in the same way, over and over.

I have lately been reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which goes into how our spirits and minds work. Just a minute ago as I was meditating on a part of the book, it hit me that the reason I sometimes don’t believe in my husband is because when my mind is in control it bases what it believes about people on what they have done in the past. Our minds are expert at taking people’s past actions and extrapolating a projection of what they will do in the future. Since my mind is aware of how my husband has negatively reacted to situations in the past, it fully expects him to make the same wrong choices in the future. So I don’t believe in him. I don’t believe he will change or do anything in the future different than in the past. When living by my mind, how can I believe anything better about him? It is reasonable for me to project what he will do in the future based precisely on what he has done in the past. It’s unreasonable to expect otherwise.

So I realized that though it’s unreasonable to believe in my husband, it’s vital for the future of our relationship that I do. In order to believe in him in spite of what he does, I have to be more aware of who he is than what he does, and I have to believe that he is not the sum total of what he does, but when he does negative things, those don’t come from who he is, and they don’t define him.

What I have to do in order to believe in him is to live from the reality of my spiritual being, not by the reason of my mind. My being uses my mind but is not controlled by my mind. So I can be aware of what my husband has done in the past, but not base my belief in him on that.

When you’re living by your being, you relate to others based on who they truly are, not based on what actions they have done. Thus by living in my real self, I am able to believe in my spouse not based on what he has done in the past, but based on who I know him to be. I think this is the kind of belief that can pull someone out of a rut or vicious cycle and bring them toward their destiny.


3 Comments to “How to believe in people even when you know they’ve screwed up”

  1. Another excellent topic, Eva. I appreciate your vulnerability and openess. I relate so much as I am also redefining my relationships with myself and with others. Those personal relationships can be tricky. Our emotions are so attached it can feel hard to make the necessary changes in how we deal with them.

    I listened to the FB podacasts for quite a while and though I agree with Darin about being around people who believe in you, on a higher spiritual plane it comes down to believing versus knowing-and believing in yourself. Universal law says like attracts like unto itself. If we don’t believe in ourselves, then others will reflect that back to us. When we manifested here in the material realm, we agreed to act out our internal reality to one another.

    And so therefore I think that believing in someone as you said is unrealistic. beleving is about hoping. Knowing is about ..well, knowing. I don’t believe someone is amazing I KNOW it. I KNOW they may be acting funky today and really getting on my nerves, but I KNOW their essence. I KNOW they have good intentions. I KNOW they have potential or the desire to be more or I know they don’t. So, I think this a topic we will revisit again and again as we are growing into a new phase of our lives and our consciousness.

    • I think you make a good point, Helen. When we know who we are and live out of our true identity, we are very likely to know other people as they really are, and also attract people to see us in reality as well, because we are moving and living in spiritual reality instead of belief of the mind which is really only a smokescreen and has no true depth. I definitely want to keep peaking around the edges of what it means to not worry about what to believe and instead live in a reality so much deeper that beliefs just don’t matter.

  2. I almost left Christianity also, until I started learning about the original teachings. One cannot prove that the Christian God exists; nor any God for that matter. However, one can find the true version of Christianity’s teachings. I was angry (and still am a little) about being lied to by the modern, western versions of Christianity. I’m not trying to convert you, but have you ever investigated the Eastern Orthodox Church? It’s mystical approach took me many years to understand, but with it’s depths, I am only beginning the journey.

    I wish you the best on your spiritual journey.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: